


to be loved. | john murphy

by kissesfrompandora



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:07:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23614969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissesfrompandora/pseuds/kissesfrompandora
Summary: a reassurance of an old demon, unhealed wounds that resurface and those that battle with them.
Relationships: John Murphy (The 100) & Reader
Kudos: 6





	to be loved. | john murphy

She was nestled deep into the comforting warm of the couch, the background noise of an old vinyl set played softly in the distance to a tune that made her forget, somehow momentarily, somehow gracefully, of all that she and her friends had been through.

Her skin felt soft to the touch in a way she couldn’t remember feeling it before, a hot shower and soap held a wonder of magic she had naively taken for granted back on the arc. The thought of the big metal ship floating in space involuntarily had her quickening her breathing, she thought of her time spent with her mother and father, those horrible moments she had had to endure when she wasn’t studying in the classrooms for the future career she would be placed in, she thought about her friends in the gardens, where she had spent the better half of her time learning about the plants and their uses, best of all was the time she spent on the ground after she had stepped off that drop ship for the first time, the sharp smell of fresh oxygen that never felt like it was stolen, the sound of life without the pollution of any machine hum.

“You’re doing it again,” Her attention was caught by the boy that entered the room, damp hair clinging to his face as he vigorously tried to dry the wetness that still clung to him from his shower, “You look like a goat, staring off into the distance like that.”

“Words every girl is desperate to hear, Murphy.” She opened the blanket that rested on her as an invitation for him and he took it, resting his body on hers as he settled between her legs. She took the small hand-towel from him and passed it through his hair while he littered soft kisses onto her neck as if he were whispering secrets.

Moments passed like this as he kissed her skin and she ran her fingers across his cheek, his jaw and then to the scar on his neck, her fingers stopped when she felt his body go rigid and his kisses ceased. He sighed then, and got up from his position on her body, the cold abandonment of warmth that left her with his retreat did little in comparison to the look in his eyes.

“Murphy-“

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You never want to talk about it!”

She sat up on the couch, facing his tense form as he stood as far from her as he could.

“Because there’s nothing to fucking talk about, what do you want me to say? I’m sorry that I have this fucking ugly mark on my neck? I’m sorry that I survived, that every day you have to look at me and see a murderer? The fact that I murdered a little girl, huh, is that what you want to fucking talk about?”

“That’s not fair, you know I didn’t mean that, Murphy.”

“Then what the fuck do you want from me?” He screamed the last part; as if it was a question he had asked himself a hundred times over without any solution. As if he failed to understand why someone like her would want anything to do with someone like him and that, despite everything, he was still too selfish a person to push her away.

“I want you trust me!” That wasn’t what he expected. “I want you to know that you can trust me, I want you to talk to me about it because- because I want you to know that it isn’t just you against the world anymore, okay? It isn’t just you. I- I want you to know that as much as you have me, I’ve got you. That every time you wake up at night, and you reach for your throat and you breathe so deeply like you’re trying to inhale all the air around you, that you can turn to me and ask me to hold you. What happened with Charlotte…” She never missed the way his knuckles tightened,” What happened with her was terrible, but it wasn’t your fault she jumped from that cliff, John Murphy. That’s something you seem so damn set on forgetting.” She wished he’d open his eyes and see the truth in hers. “I want you…” She heaved the weight from her chest and put it into the words she so desperately wanted him to hear, “I want you to know that you’re loved. More than anything I want you to know that.”

She must’ve missed how close he’d gotten through her blurry eyes, but the hand on her cheek left nothing to be doubted as he held her face in his hands and wiped her tears and through clearer eyes she noticed the blurriness of his, he was crying too. And he was staring at her in a way that made her heart form a hole inside her chest, she’d never seen him look at her like that before, or maybe he had but she’d never seen it, either way, it left her breathless.

He was shaking his head at her, as if he was trying to tell her he wasn’t worth the tears she spent over him, or the pain she so obviously felt trying to get him to just see how much he meant to her.

He didn’t know what to do, or what to tell her that would make her understand that, okay, I heard you, and I love you too. So he brought her face closer, and he placed a singular, soft kiss onto her forehead. It meant; I love you. It also meant, I trust you, wholly, and completely.

She pulled away first, and she stared into his eyes to ground herself, to bring her back to the reality that he was standing in front of her, and they were standing in the living room of long abandoned home, and that he was holding her so tenderly she felt that she might shatter if he said he loved her out loud.

She grabbed his head and pulled him closer still, and she whispered, “I want you to know that the world had more to give you than the pain you have suffered.” And she gifted him one, sweet, tender kiss to the marks on his neck, and he exhaled so greatly as if he was relieving the pain again, “And I want you to believe that when you receive love, you are worthy of it.”, but this time when he opened his eyes it was her staring back at him, and there was so much love in it that he couldn’t help but believe her.

 ** _fin_**.


End file.
